Travel with a Singleton

Hesitant to travel the world with your single child? Travel with one is neither better nor worse than travel with multiples, just different, and with plenty of perks.

The biggest benefit is cost. With a singleton, you buy fewer flights and can stay in one room, if desired. Emotionally speaking, your kiddo gets your full attention and priority in choosing activities. As adults, your trip will be much calmer, as you’re not juggling kids and will have greater opportunity for alone time (one of you can entertain your child while the other gets a break). To maximize your family trip for three, read on.

First, consider adult energy level, parent/child interest match, and extrovert/introvert tendencies of family members. Are you and your child interested in the same kinds of things? Do you enjoy participating in his or her preferred activities but tire more quickly than your kiddo? Is your singleton skilled in entertaining himself or herself and befriending other kids?

If your kiddo is under twelve or not particularly independent, he or she will need more attention, either from you, other kids or other adults. For introverted kids this is a little easier, as they tend to be more content solo. Extroverts will be better able to befriend but also in greater need of socialization. Use your trip (singleton families and others alike) as an opportunity to facilitate and practice social skills.

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Consider travel with another family or extended family. The extra adult hands make it more enjoyable for everyone, especially if there are theme parks, bodies of water or dinners out involved.

When courting travel families, start small with a day trip or overnight somewhere nearby to test family compatibility. And as a singleton family, don’t limit your options to other singleton families. We’ve spent a few weekends with our two kids and a singleton family, and the three kids have done great together!

If you really want to relax and enjoy, and you’ve booked a rental or multiple rooms, can you even hire a teen or college aged friend or relative to come along. Most are thrilled to entertain your singleton in exchange for a flight, room and board, and a little time off to explore a new place. And of course kids think teens and twenty-somethings are way cooler than mom and dad.

If extra adults aren’t an option, bring along a friend. It sounds counter intuitive, but if you already have another bed for your kiddo, a bestie can join for not much added cost, and everyone will be happier! It also saves you from being the one buried in the sand when your kiddo doesn’t have a playmate their own age.

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If none of these options is feasible or preferred, consider how you can get your kiddo some added socialization during your trip. You may be better suited at a larger hotel or resort with kids club or activities so your child can make friends. A cruise is another option where your singleton can roam free a bit, but still be contained.

If you’re in one destination for an extended period, enroll your child in a camp or class, providing opportunity to make friends with locals. Encourage your singleton to sign up for activities at the resort to meet friends.

While I normally prefer private tours, a larger group tour, especially at the front end of your trip, can be a great way for your singleton to get social interaction and potentially meet friends. With an introvert you may have to facilitate a bit, for example, asking a kid near you how old they are and making introductions. Book through your hotel and your kiddo may even meet playmates for the remainder of the trip.

If you’re not a resort type family or will be moving around frequently, set your expectations accordingly, and communicate some of this with your kiddo. If one of you parents is more energetic, you may want to plan for that parent to spend more time participating in high energy kid activities. Look for interest overlap and choose to create one-on-one, parent-child time. This reconfiguring strategy ensures both parents get breaks and also quality parent-child time.

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Set expectations with your kiddo with regard to your participation. For example, if your singleton is in the pool all day, will you get in a couple times, for a set amount of time or after a certain period of rest? Let him or her know that you will all get the chance to choose activities and will participate in others’ choices you’re not as excited about, because that’s what families do. The trip is a time for you as a family, but also let your child know there will be times that you’ll want adult time or alone time, either by hiring a sitter or booking multiple rooms.

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When kids are young, parents can get a break by taking advantage or naps or early bedtime. When too old for daily naps but not quite ready to be in the room alone, prepare your singleton for an hour or so of wakeful time each day that adults will do their own thing while kiddo reads, plays solitaire, listens to music or really does anything quiet. Remind your singleton that, even with vitamins, adults typically need to recharge to keep up. Littles will love the ego boost of wearing out the parents.

With teens and tweens, especially those who are socially mature, trips with only children can be especially rewarding. For one, he or she feels more like a friend or travel companion and can participate in most of what you want, and vice versa. Figure out what your singleton loves and find a way to integrate it; think food or factory tour, sporting event, concert of other performing arts, or even a cooking class. There’s also the benefit that at this age, kids are typically used to staying alone and even relish the chance to stay in, order room service and message friends. It’s a win-win: independence for teen and date for the parents.

If you plan to utilize this option, pick your hotel accordingly, so you feel confident in your kiddo’s safety, and he or she has a competent concierge to call upon, if needed. Activate your child’s international calling and texting plan, so you can reach each other; it will provide peace of mind (not a bad idea anyway in case of accidental separation during international travel). Start small with an on-property spa treatment, workout or cocktail in the hotel bar. Gradually build up to shopping, museum or restaurant nearby, so you can easily return if necessary.

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For multi-kiddo families, consider planning a pseudo-singleton trip. When our kids turned 10, we treated them to sibling-free weekends away (sib stayed with a friend or grandparent). For one we spent a weekend in LA with a visit to Disneyland; the other was spent in San Francisco, with a visit to Alcatraz and a Pac-12 football game. It was a really nice way for each of them to soak up our undivided attention and for us feel completely present, focused on just one of our sweeties.

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Divide and conquer as sibling interests diverge. Everyone loves a little one-on-one time, so getting to act like a singleton, even for the day, is a treat, especially as part of a longer family trip when togetherness becomes tiresome. And for all kids, singleton or otherwise, a special outing with your kiddo, a buddy and the buddy’s mom or dad is another useful reconfiguration.

Lastly, if you have a teen singleton who’s over family togetherness, you can opt to leave him or her home with a friend or relative and enjoy a couples trip (more on that soon). Or, just tote your angsty teen and expect a little guff. While it may not be appreciated now, it surely will be in 10 years … or maybe 30.